Can You Please Edit My Essay?
okay so i have to write this essay about what my dreams in life are going to be. i really need to know if i did good on this, so can you please read over my essay and tell me if i need to correct anything and tell me if it's good? thank you(: (btw, i'm in 7th grade) As a young girl, my dreams have always been to be happy, successful, and to make the best out of life at the same time. I will attend college and medical school to become a pharmacist, get married, and start a family. To be well prepared for college, I have to excel in middle and high school. In everything I do, whether it's a career or motherhood, I will strive to be the best I can. In high school, I will take advanced classes, take part in extra-curricular activities, and do volunteer work. I will also strive to graduate as class valedictorian. Graduating at the top of my class will increase my chances of being accepted into the best schools. I wan to major in Pharmacy, which means four years of undergraduate study at the University of Illinois and two to four years in the Pharmacy program at the University of Chicago. Eventually, I will earn a Doctorate Degree in Pharmacy. My academic goal for college is not only to get good grades, but to learn and gain experiences that will prepare me for the future. I plan to get a job as a pharmacist at the Good Samaritan Hospital in Illinois and work there for about seven years. Aside from my career, I want to get married to a man I will meet in college or medical school when I am 26 years old and live in an average-sized four bedroom home in Chicago. We will get married in Italy and go on a honeymoon to Hawaii. After a few years of being married, I will start a family and have children, preferably two girls named Abby and Olivia, that I will spend lots of time with. In my spare time, I will do a lot of volunteer work with my friends and family. For example, I'll help out at animal shelters and nursing homes. Additionally, my family and I will go on plenty of vacations and travel around the world. A lot of my family lives in Poland, so I will occasionally visit them. For fun, my family and I will enjoy bike riding, swimming, watching movies, fishing, and just spending plenty of time with each other. To pursue a dream means to stick your mind to something and follow it. You need a lot of ambition and determination in order to be able to maintain a strong and happy like. In the future, I'm hoping to become a pharmacist and support a small and healthy family. I know that in order to follow my dream, I must do my best in everything and have enough perseverance to make my ambitions and goals in life come true.
Homework Help - 4 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
Very well written, very clear goals. Are you sure you're in 7th grade?! lol
2 :
you dreams are very vivid,and i like the confidence you put in your work...this is a great essay..very well planned...you don't have to change anything, but i must say its not completely perfect because in 1 paragraph is 5 sentences(but your in 7th grade so idk how your teacher is grading you)im in 10th grade English honers class so they let us do 10 page essays front and back XP. but yes im pretty confident your going to get an "A" on that essay :)
3 :
Great essay, but you might wanna say "pharmacy school" instead of medical school if you want to become a pharmacist, althought I doubt it makes a difference in the quality of your essay :)
4 :
To me, dreams (plural) refer mostly to the kind you have when you are sleeping. Dream (singular) implies a big life goal. Even if you have more than one goal, it is part of one big dream, so I would make it a singular noun in your first sentence. Some parts of your dream seem very specific...such as meeting a man when you're 26, picking out which schools to go to, or working at Good Samaritan Hospital. How disappointed will be be is these things do not happen? A lot of things can change between now and then. Dreams need some room for flexibility and change. To improve your essay, I would say why you want the things you want, especially why you want to be a pharmacist. The last paragraph is great.
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